When You Look at Your Child, What Do You See?
Do you see their annoying, irritating behaviors or do you see their strengths and gifts? Do you view them from a point of frustration or do you see a person that God is growing, shaping and molding?
There are many reasons that adoptive or foster parents lose focus and become frustrated and negative towards their child.
The most common cause, is likely the difficult and confusing behavior that children who come from backgrounds of trauma or harm often exhibit.
Another explanation could be, that the parent and child have different personalities and struggle to get along because they approach life from very different perspectives.
Whatever the reason, research has shown that if children develop strong, healthy relationships with their parents, then they will lead healthier and happier adult lives.
If you are seeing your child in a negative light, here are some tips on how to view your child from a positive vantage point so you can continue to develop a good relationship with him or her.
1.Educate yourself on attachment, trauma, triggers, your child’s developmental age, and stress reactions so you can recognize these and separate your child from their behavior.
2. What is a gift or talent that your child has? What are they good at? Notice the nice things that people say about them. Try to look at them more objectively rather than just focusing on the behaviors that irritate you.
3. Write your child’s name down and make a list of all their good qualities. Tell your child what you like about them!
4. Whenever you notice a negative behavior, see if you can re-frame it into a positive. Stubbornness can be viewed through the lens of persistence or determination, bossiness can be looked at as leadership, impulsiveness can be seen as spontaneous and fun loving, etc. The very behavior that may irritate you might be the unique trait in them that God uses to impact the world!
Remember God created and made your child. They are his special and dear creation and have some amazing qualities. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it. Psalm 139:14
Do you need help seeing your child through a different lens? Let Empowered Calling bring hope to you and your family! We offer small, affordable coaching groups and individual parent coaching. You can learn new skills and practice them in a small community of support. Visit our website at http://empoweredcalling.com/ or contact Renee at firstname.lastname@example.org.